Divorce is one of the toughest decisions that a person can face. These proceedings can get ugly sometimes, and this is something that most people want to avoid. Coming out of a divorce hating your partner is something truly awful to go through. This is further compounded by the financial strain a divorce can put on people. With so many factors in play, many people don’t know or simply can’t process how to have an amicable divorce.
Reducing the stress of divorce is a primary goal for many going through divorce proceedings. An amicable divorce can improve the outcome for all involved. While certainly difficult, such a thing is well within the realm of possibility in many cases. These are the eight rules on how to have an amicable divorce:
1. The Amicable Divorce
So many people don’t consider an amicable divorce to be possible. They associate a divorce with all the negative feelings that they are duly associated with, without seeing any possibility of retaining any positive feelings. Being able to get along with a former partner can help ease the legal contact that might need to continue for years. This is essentially important in divorces in the case of families with children. Divorce can be very strenuous on children. Paving the way with an amicable divorce can make the continued dealings inherent with children much easier.
2. Perspective
Perspective is another essential element of maintaining an amicable relationship throughout a divorce. People tend to focus on petty issues rather than the bigger picture. A divorce raises many issues between the two partners. This can be overwhelming given the quantity of issues to handle. It’s important to think about the larger scheme of things while handling these. Becoming embittered over small battles is a recipe for long term animosity and will render any hope of a pleasant relationship heedless. Always remember the scale of issues during divorce proceedings.
3. Blame
Blame is one of the most toxic elements in some divorce proceedings. Excessive blame can undermine any possibility of continued amicability after the divorce. It is very easy for either or both partners to place any and all blame solely on the opposite partner. Couples that were at the beginning highly compatible often fall into this trap. Remembering how good things once were, they assume that the transition must have been the other partner’s doing. Thoughtful analysis of the root causes of the divorce is necessary to avoid placing undue blame on others.
4. Children First
A divorce can be especially difficult for couples with children. The permanence of the familial relationship makes a clean split unlikely in all but the most severe cases. In these cases, maintaining an amicable relationship is highly important. Continuous contact with the former spouse is a near certainty as there are many issues that will have to be discussed regarding the children. It’s important to remember the needs of the children during divorce proceedings. All parties involved should keep these needs in mind and hold them paramount in order to ensure the best scenario.
5. Arbitration
Settling any and all disputes during a divorce within the courtroom can be extremely stressful. Having these decisions reach such an impasse that a judge has to make the final decision makes both parties feel robbed of agency and powerless. Going in for independent arbitration to discuss these matters can help the divorce proceed more smoothly. Better agreements can be reached while maintaining a good relationship between the two. The use of lawyers for disputes makes them seem harsh and unwelcoming. With family lawyers helping to represent each side legally, it sets the stage for the two to see each other as enemies.
6. Understanding
Divorces have wide reaching effects. These effects affect different people to different extents. It’s important that the former partners view each other with a certain amount of understanding. One partner might very well become involved in their own turmoil without taking into account the similar experience of the other partner. This can lead to animosity between the two as both partners begin to view the other as selfish and uncaring. Fostering understanding in this environment can be very difficult but it is essential if the divorce proceedings are to be amicable.
7. Support
In any divorce having a network of quality support can be a great comfort to those being divorced. Discussing divorce issues with trusted friends and family can help a person to work through those issues while avoiding serious conflict with the other partner. Having a viable support network will smooth over some of the issues of the divorce. This allows people to focus on the actual serious issues rather than petty squabbling over minor issues. Seeking out support is a great first step during a divorce.
8. Good Faith
Any and all negotiations require the presence of good faith. Those who do no undergo these proceedings in good faith are setting themselves up for a fall. It’s important that both parties are fully transparent in these proceedings. Attempting to cover up or lie about assets or other issues is sure to lead to significant issues going forward. In many couples the finances are handled by one spouse more so than the other. This can lead to one having a potential upper hand in negotiations. The dishonest exploitation of this advantage will poison any possible relationship.